You ever...

...have one of those days, you're feeling great and being productive. Then you realize, oh shit. For whatever reason. In my case, it's the realization of being a senior in college. I was all happy, cleaning my room and organizing everything, when it hit me that this time next year is "grown up" time. Sink or swim. My Dad will be handing over car payments, insurance bills, anything and everything that a normal working human pays for. But, I'm not decided on anything. People are asking me, "Wow! You're a senior already! That's great! So what are your graduation plans?" Insert blank stare in response. Is it awful? I'm going to be 21 in like 27 days, or something like that, and I'm as lost as ever. I talked about it with Paul the other day because he's leaving for Pittsburgh at the end of August. 6 months without probably seeing him. I even looked up plane tickets from LGA to PITT. Problem: tickets are 86.00 NOW. In a few months they'll probably be back up to 250.00, which I cannot afford. I guess it's just the realization that time is moving forward really quickly. And while I want to have fun and live life, I'm still scared. I really want to go do grad work. I don't want the giant bill from it. I'd like to be able to visit Paul. I don't want to work in my dad's insurance agency for the rest of my life. There are too many thoughts about next year already and I fear a nervous breakdown will occur at some point in time.

Argh. Enough. I took a few days off from running. The weather has been abysmal now that I want to start back up. RAIN RAIN RAIN. WIND WIND WIND. Ridiculous. So I'm in search of an affordable gym membership. Failll.

I went to RIT for the weekend. Pretty amusing. Lots of movie watching and grilling. Found a good book at Goodwill for 2 bucks. Sat in Java Wally's for a couple afternoons with the best vanilla coffee ever and a good book. Spent a rainy Sunday afternoon watching the weather be ugly, as Paul and I just lay on the couch and talked. It was probably the best part of the weekend. Finally relaxing. And Lola, the new Subaru, handled the drive like a champ.

Mom needs me to go clean my dirty rug from my dorm room. Since it's raining, I'll be writing more. Guaranteed. ha

 Jasper :)

 Mom's Dogwood Tree

 Lilacs

 Some random tree in our backyard. I felt inspired I guess.

 Subaru Love

 Paul's Impreza and my Legacy. Nina and Lola. haha

 Inside of Letchworth cabin that we only got to stay in for an hour to eat delicious steak. Long story :/

 Paul putting together steak and peppers with Greg. He has skills. haha

 Greg and Megan. Greg broke upon a glo-stick and put it all over his shirt. Smelled a bit but looked wicked cool.

"I'm a beautifulllll butterfly!" hahaha. Paul explaining his mummy sleeping bag. haha. 

And that was my weekend in photos pretty much.

Almost done...

Grad work in creative writing? It's seeming like more of a possibility. As much as I stress and pull my hair out over it, I'm comfortable there. I like to read and write. I always have. I could go into publishing, teaching or being an agent. I just know that I need to be putting serious thoughts into it NOW.

MAACs are this weekend. And my Law exam is next Tuesday. So I will be stressed beyond all know how. :/ Of course. How annoying.

This past weekend at RIT was fantastic. I did a really awesome 11 mile accelerator run on the treadmills there. Their gym must have better ventilation or something. I was NOT a sopping wet mess afterwards. I went rock climbing for the first time. I sucked, but then again, it was my first time and now I really, really like it. The formal was fun :) Lots of dancing. And of course it was nice to just spend some time with Paul. He took me to get coffee in their library and showed me the academic side of campus on Sunday. It was nice and peaceful. But of course we went and watch the Dodgeball world record get broken in their gym. haha Had to do something crazy. And I met the craziest guy on the train ride home. He had is 24 oz. Natty Ice and kept watching this girl's ass every time she walked down the aisle. He kept asking me what I was writing. Told me all writers are "loonies". He was just a crazy person. He was swearing at someone in his sleep and kept jumping up out of his chair. Albany station stop was a godsend.

I have to go run. Write up the final version of my Reckoning Essay. And then it's off to MAACs and studying for my law final. And then I'm a senior. Life is actually moving too fast. I want to be done with work, but I'm not sure I want to be out on my own. I feel like I can't swim yet and they're taking away my lifesaver.

 Yeah, I laugh HYSTERICALLY every time I see this picture. hahaha

 Couldn't find black shoes. Wear Vibrams instead :)