I want to hide under my bed and never come out. But mostly, I want someone to just be there when I really, really need them. It would help if I knew what to say when I'm feeling down rather than just shut myself down to all interaction. I want to stop trusting the wrong people. I want to stop letting other belittle me and make me feel like I'm being silly or that I'm always wrong.

But then, my problems don't matter. They're not problems at all. If I'm not smiling, then I'm being overdramatic. If I smile too much, I'm annoying. I don't know what to want or do.

Nothing.

Maybe I just pretend to be happy. I like the idea of it, but just the idea. I follow ideas of happiness that aren't really the things that will make me happy. I need to legitimately be done with certain things and stand my ground. Easier said than done