People tell me I need to take care of things myself...I need to do this, I need to do that. If I have a bad day, well it's NOTHING compared to theirs. I have it EASY. Ok, yeah...I'm not destitute or suffering in any way. But am I still not allowed to have a bad day? I guess not. I guess what hurts most, is having no one to talk to. I feel silly talking to them because my problems are always minimized. I'm already nervous about grad work, and then to be told on top of it that I shouldn't be doing grad work and I should get a real job...but WAIT, real jobs don't happen for Communication majors. I'm just tired and sad. I can't run and my chest feels heavy. I want to be out of here for good. I don't care that it'll be the end of college. I just want to start over somewhere...live somewhere else, meet new people who don't want to see me fail. Because I'm really good at looking happy and going with the flow. But inside, I'm not OK. I can only take so much nagging, so much belittling. I'm trying to follow my heart and do what I love. I'm not afraid to work hard. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong as a freshman. But you know what? Maybe I just don't have the mindset for all this right now.
I also am starting to not trust anyone. If I couldn't write, I would just be like a volcano ready to blow at any moment.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
What an interesting weekend...
Well, I went home this weekend. My leg was beyond aggravated and Buffalo was out for Regionals. I cried about it. Yeah, I know. But once I got it out, I remembered what I always remember from when I had mono and missed states. "This is just a snapshot, not your whole photo album." Thank you to the Woodland Coach for that one. He's right. I had a great race at MAACs. I'd consider it going out with a bang. If I feel better, I always have the Goshen Turkey Trot to blast off some extra racing energy in. Plus, there's no pressure. I just get to run. Right now, the focus is on getting better.
So...I had a relaxing time at home. Spent a lot of time with the leg up. Did homework. Bought the Water for Elephants DVD and Elf. Went to O-Joe's with my parents and the Shannons. Watched Lisa and Janice walk back to the cars, arm in arm, belting out, "Hey, hey we're the monkeys!" Always entertaining. Grandma pulled out her wedding dress. I got a guilt trip about being the only girl on this side of the family and she's going to have to just give it away because "Who the hell's gonna wear it?" O_O Yeah. I did help her hang it up and spread the train out. It was all wrinkled from being in a white plastic bag after being dry cleaned. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but even if I did want it, the alterations to it would be ridiculous. I just laughed off her rants though. She settled down when my Dad and Jack walked down to say hello.
I made a bath appointment for Jasper, aka Sir Stinks-a-lot. Oh my God. He was terrible. He looked like he had things GROWING in his fur. He's hit the mangy old man stage, sadly. But my mom called it a "whore" bath when he got home. He smelled like Vanilla Body spray. hahaha They basically just tried to do a cover-up of his nastiness. I bet he'll be stinky again in a day. He covered me in dog hair though when I was playing with him. Someone's getting a new, high-tech doggie brush for Christmas! haha
So yeah...didn't really do much. Mike will be home next Tuesday and Paul and his Dad are coming down Thursday for dinner :) so I just need to get my two Sports articles written this weekend and I'm golden. Just my capping presentation to work on. I WANT TO RUNNN :(
Ok...that's enough. Jasper pictures!!!!!
So...I had a relaxing time at home. Spent a lot of time with the leg up. Did homework. Bought the Water for Elephants DVD and Elf. Went to O-Joe's with my parents and the Shannons. Watched Lisa and Janice walk back to the cars, arm in arm, belting out, "Hey, hey we're the monkeys!" Always entertaining. Grandma pulled out her wedding dress. I got a guilt trip about being the only girl on this side of the family and she's going to have to just give it away because "Who the hell's gonna wear it?" O_O Yeah. I did help her hang it up and spread the train out. It was all wrinkled from being in a white plastic bag after being dry cleaned. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but even if I did want it, the alterations to it would be ridiculous. I just laughed off her rants though. She settled down when my Dad and Jack walked down to say hello.
I made a bath appointment for Jasper, aka Sir Stinks-a-lot. Oh my God. He was terrible. He looked like he had things GROWING in his fur. He's hit the mangy old man stage, sadly. But my mom called it a "whore" bath when he got home. He smelled like Vanilla Body spray. hahaha They basically just tried to do a cover-up of his nastiness. I bet he'll be stinky again in a day. He covered me in dog hair though when I was playing with him. Someone's getting a new, high-tech doggie brush for Christmas! haha
So yeah...didn't really do much. Mike will be home next Tuesday and Paul and his Dad are coming down Thursday for dinner :) so I just need to get my two Sports articles written this weekend and I'm golden. Just my capping presentation to work on. I WANT TO RUNNN :(
Ok...that's enough. Jasper pictures!!!!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Some lake pics
Why does this always happen to me?
Just like that my hopes and dreams get trampled on.
Brian has my Sartorius all taped up. I went to see him today. Haven't run since Saturday afternoon when I did like 6 miles. I'm a mess. I cried it out, I think. but I couldn't do the workout today and Regionals are Saturday. I'm sick of this. It's what makes me hate running. I did nothing to make myself get hurt. I was so careful. And here I am, limping to night classes. UGHHH.
In other news...Paul came to visit this weekend. It was really, really nice to see him. We went and surprised his parents Saturday afternoon. And then we simply watched football all day Sunday...went to the diner and Barnes and Noble. Went to the Subaru dealership. It was nice to just have him around to talk and laugh about stupid things with. It distracted me from being injured over the weekend. Normally, I'd be sitting staring at the four walls (which I did all day today until PT). I wish he was still here to tell me it'll be ok and that running is stupid. I let myself fall back into loving running because I have a couple good races. And then it rips my heart out, just like that. Chuck said he still wants to bring me to Buffalo. I can maybe still race. But this is 100 x worse than it was at MAACs. There's only so many times you can push through something before it's legitimately done.
I'm going to watch the Crew Team tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. and then do their interviews for my final project for Pete. Once I get that done, then I'm nearing the wire. Most of the important stuff is done. Just one more essay for my English class, my capping presentation, handing in the two articles to Pete, and then writing up stuff for my screenplay. I can literally count on one hand what's left to do, which is scary. I should be going to class. I have some Otis pictures for later. Hopefully.
Oh and everyone go check out my graduate school blog!!! It's almost done. I have one more post for next week.
Brian has my Sartorius all taped up. I went to see him today. Haven't run since Saturday afternoon when I did like 6 miles. I'm a mess. I cried it out, I think. but I couldn't do the workout today and Regionals are Saturday. I'm sick of this. It's what makes me hate running. I did nothing to make myself get hurt. I was so careful. And here I am, limping to night classes. UGHHH.
In other news...Paul came to visit this weekend. It was really, really nice to see him. We went and surprised his parents Saturday afternoon. And then we simply watched football all day Sunday...went to the diner and Barnes and Noble. Went to the Subaru dealership. It was nice to just have him around to talk and laugh about stupid things with. It distracted me from being injured over the weekend. Normally, I'd be sitting staring at the four walls (which I did all day today until PT). I wish he was still here to tell me it'll be ok and that running is stupid. I let myself fall back into loving running because I have a couple good races. And then it rips my heart out, just like that. Chuck said he still wants to bring me to Buffalo. I can maybe still race. But this is 100 x worse than it was at MAACs. There's only so many times you can push through something before it's legitimately done.
I'm going to watch the Crew Team tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. and then do their interviews for my final project for Pete. Once I get that done, then I'm nearing the wire. Most of the important stuff is done. Just one more essay for my English class, my capping presentation, handing in the two articles to Pete, and then writing up stuff for my screenplay. I can literally count on one hand what's left to do, which is scary. I should be going to class. I have some Otis pictures for later. Hopefully.
Oh and everyone go check out my graduate school blog!!! It's almost done. I have one more post for next week.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
SNOWTOBER!
Sooooo...
Last week was a blur. My groin was a mess, but I made it through my Monday workout and then got through long runs with the help of PT. Thank you, Brian.
MAACs went well. We got 2nd as a team. I was crying and generally a MESS before because my groin muscles/hip were hurting me so bad. I decided to run. Went out in a 5:35 mile with Heidi, backed off a bit and then got a second wind after the backhills. Ended up fourth overall behind the three Iona girls. I PR'd by over 30 seconds. Ran 22:01 for the course, but it was a 21:47 6k for VCP, a 18:06 5k. I'll take it. haha I was a MESS after though. My leg was killing me big time. Lauren put a smile on my face. I went up for my medal and she goes, "OTIS! Wait, is that your boyfriend?" So of course I'm cheesin' big time in the picture. haha.
So THEN, I went home for the weekend. Forecast of snow. Before Halloween. Dumb. Dad and I went to the lake Saturday morning to check the house, and on our way back, we had a half hour to go, the highway was COVERED in minutes! Dad drives like a crazy man and we were in the Buick cruising down the left lane. He even made it up the back hill by Spartan's. Insanity. We lost power immediately. It was creepy. The lightning Saturday night was blue and red. My mom thought an emergency vehicle was outside our house. We still had Jack's party Sunday. Mom made chicken dip over a teeny tiny candle flame. Took 3 hours, but was still legit chicken dip. Go mom!
Getting back to school was a nightmare with the traffic, but it was nice to have electricity. The snowstorm was a blessing in disguise though. I couldn't run for two days and my leg got a nice rest I guess. It still hurts :/ And Waterbury won't have power back till around Friday. Poor Jack. He's probably bummed. His birthday is today. The big 13!
In other news, Lauren, Sarah, Courey and I went on the Headless Horseman Hayride last night. Lauren and I were laughing the whole time. So it made it a little less scary. She got yelled at for trying to pet the horse that the headless horseman rode up to the hayride. haha. The haunted houses were pretty good though. they ahd a chainsaw guy. haha. This was ranked like #1 in the Northeast I think. And it was featured on Good Morning, America! and the Weather channel. So cool. Had to at least experience it once :) Here's a link:
http://www.headlesshorseman.com/
Anyways, I'm a little stressed because we had to pick classes today. Another blessing in disguise. Fiction is offered during my practice time so I was apprehensive taking it. then registration wouldn't let me in to take it, so I signed up for an independent writing project, which would build a portfolio. Blessing in disguise? Maybe. It's at 9:30 instead of 3:30 and opens my schedule up big time for practice and my internship.So I'm going to try and relax about the whole thing now. haha
Ok, enough of me talking...pictures!
The ones from MAACs are from Lauren.
Last week was a blur. My groin was a mess, but I made it through my Monday workout and then got through long runs with the help of PT. Thank you, Brian.
MAACs went well. We got 2nd as a team. I was crying and generally a MESS before because my groin muscles/hip were hurting me so bad. I decided to run. Went out in a 5:35 mile with Heidi, backed off a bit and then got a second wind after the backhills. Ended up fourth overall behind the three Iona girls. I PR'd by over 30 seconds. Ran 22:01 for the course, but it was a 21:47 6k for VCP, a 18:06 5k. I'll take it. haha I was a MESS after though. My leg was killing me big time. Lauren put a smile on my face. I went up for my medal and she goes, "OTIS! Wait, is that your boyfriend?" So of course I'm cheesin' big time in the picture. haha.
So THEN, I went home for the weekend. Forecast of snow. Before Halloween. Dumb. Dad and I went to the lake Saturday morning to check the house, and on our way back, we had a half hour to go, the highway was COVERED in minutes! Dad drives like a crazy man and we were in the Buick cruising down the left lane. He even made it up the back hill by Spartan's. Insanity. We lost power immediately. It was creepy. The lightning Saturday night was blue and red. My mom thought an emergency vehicle was outside our house. We still had Jack's party Sunday. Mom made chicken dip over a teeny tiny candle flame. Took 3 hours, but was still legit chicken dip. Go mom!
Getting back to school was a nightmare with the traffic, but it was nice to have electricity. The snowstorm was a blessing in disguise though. I couldn't run for two days and my leg got a nice rest I guess. It still hurts :/ And Waterbury won't have power back till around Friday. Poor Jack. He's probably bummed. His birthday is today. The big 13!
In other news, Lauren, Sarah, Courey and I went on the Headless Horseman Hayride last night. Lauren and I were laughing the whole time. So it made it a little less scary. She got yelled at for trying to pet the horse that the headless horseman rode up to the hayride. haha. The haunted houses were pretty good though. they ahd a chainsaw guy. haha. This was ranked like #1 in the Northeast I think. And it was featured on Good Morning, America! and the Weather channel. So cool. Had to at least experience it once :) Here's a link:
http://www.headlesshorseman.com/
Anyways, I'm a little stressed because we had to pick classes today. Another blessing in disguise. Fiction is offered during my practice time so I was apprehensive taking it. then registration wouldn't let me in to take it, so I signed up for an independent writing project, which would build a portfolio. Blessing in disguise? Maybe. It's at 9:30 instead of 3:30 and opens my schedule up big time for practice and my internship.So I'm going to try and relax about the whole thing now. haha
Ok, enough of me talking...pictures!
The ones from MAACs are from Lauren.
In front of their favorite bar. haha
The MAAC card I made for Kara. haha
SNOWTOBER. We lost quite a few branches
My dress for formals :) It finally came in!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Supposed to be studying...
"When I get big, I’m going where he’s going: South America. It’s like America, but south." –Ellie (Up)
Love that movie. It's so cute. I don't think I brought it to school and I need to watch it right about now. This week was insane though. We had Mike Breen and Ian O'Connor here Wednesday night and I stayed till almost 9:00 to listen. Pete asked to do an article on it and I had PAGES of notes and was exhausted. So I left a little early. Still got some great stuff.
Than Thursday, I had my interview with Hudson Valley Magazine and I LOVED it. Polly, the editor, took me through everything I would be doing and it just made me really excited to get a chance to finally try out the field. Went for my run. Went to PT (I pulled my groin. Again. Figures. When the important races come rolling around.). Then I had to cover the swim meet that night. Believe me, I was doing a happy dance when I could finally curl up in my bed afterward.
Friday - 2 x 2 mile workout! I forgot how much I liked tempo workouts. I just like that feeling of being on cruise control I guess. Made me feel like I was getting ready for a 10k again. The first time I ran a 10k felt like a straight tempo run until I got to the last mile. And EVERYONE loves when works feels like fun, not work. haha. My mom called after and needed me to start the witch hunt for Ben & Jerry's "Schweddy Balls" ice-cream. Back story- in CT and NY (I think), some mothers are complaining and having it pulled off the shelves. Really? Ruin more! There's one called Karamel Sutra! People just really love to complain. Kids have no CLUE what it's referring to and don't get the joke. If your kid gets it, maybe take a look at your parenting and put some parental controls on your television channels. Ugh. Anyways, I found four pints of it for her in Jazzman's. I have NO Marist money left. Anyone who wants to buy me sushi tomorrow night, I'll love you forever. haha. Went to the soccer game and then went to bed.
Saturday was awful waking up. Erin and I did our long run together and it was actually a beautiful day. Dad brought Grandma up with Uncle Pat and we went to Eveready. After they left (with mom's "schweddy ball sack" of treats. BAHAHA) I went to Applebee's for coffee with Lauren and Sarah. Busy night for me. haha.
Today...I am FREAKING OUT. My groin muscle...a mess. It literally runs from inside my knee and up and across my left hip. Seriously. I ran great until I was like, hmm...maybe I should back off. Yeah...been icing forever. Plus I have a workout tomorrow and MAACs Friday. I am stressed.
Ok....I need to go study for screen writing. haha. I've been putting it off like all night. BAD.
I miss my goofball :(
Love that movie. It's so cute. I don't think I brought it to school and I need to watch it right about now. This week was insane though. We had Mike Breen and Ian O'Connor here Wednesday night and I stayed till almost 9:00 to listen. Pete asked to do an article on it and I had PAGES of notes and was exhausted. So I left a little early. Still got some great stuff.
Than Thursday, I had my interview with Hudson Valley Magazine and I LOVED it. Polly, the editor, took me through everything I would be doing and it just made me really excited to get a chance to finally try out the field. Went for my run. Went to PT (I pulled my groin. Again. Figures. When the important races come rolling around.). Then I had to cover the swim meet that night. Believe me, I was doing a happy dance when I could finally curl up in my bed afterward.
Friday - 2 x 2 mile workout! I forgot how much I liked tempo workouts. I just like that feeling of being on cruise control I guess. Made me feel like I was getting ready for a 10k again. The first time I ran a 10k felt like a straight tempo run until I got to the last mile. And EVERYONE loves when works feels like fun, not work. haha. My mom called after and needed me to start the witch hunt for Ben & Jerry's "Schweddy Balls" ice-cream. Back story- in CT and NY (I think), some mothers are complaining and having it pulled off the shelves. Really? Ruin more! There's one called Karamel Sutra! People just really love to complain. Kids have no CLUE what it's referring to and don't get the joke. If your kid gets it, maybe take a look at your parenting and put some parental controls on your television channels. Ugh. Anyways, I found four pints of it for her in Jazzman's. I have NO Marist money left. Anyone who wants to buy me sushi tomorrow night, I'll love you forever. haha. Went to the soccer game and then went to bed.
Saturday was awful waking up. Erin and I did our long run together and it was actually a beautiful day. Dad brought Grandma up with Uncle Pat and we went to Eveready. After they left (with mom's "schweddy ball sack" of treats. BAHAHA) I went to Applebee's for coffee with Lauren and Sarah. Busy night for me. haha.
Today...I am FREAKING OUT. My groin muscle...a mess. It literally runs from inside my knee and up and across my left hip. Seriously. I ran great until I was like, hmm...maybe I should back off. Yeah...been icing forever. Plus I have a workout tomorrow and MAACs Friday. I am stressed.
Ok....I need to go study for screen writing. haha. I've been putting it off like all night. BAD.
I miss my goofball :(
Monday, October 17, 2011
Weekend Update (not SNL, sorry)
Sooooooo...I had a rough week. Going home was exactly what I needed. After the whole heart fiasco...I am fine. Wednesday on was a little better. I ran and then went home Thursday. So nice to be home. Got some errands done, some homework...Saturday was the Albany meet. Of course it was cloudy and windy. The start was on an uphill. Seriously? Freaked me out. We brought Jasper along. He made tons of new friends and then pooped on the sidewalks and tried to eat an adorable little black lab puppy. Crazy. Love him though. The race was, eh. I hated the start. Bottle necked straight through the mile mark. And I felt like I was running SO fast, but my time was off or something. Maybe the course was long. I don't know. It was weird. I guess Chuck said the Albany girls mentioned their times were much slower compared to earlier time trials on the same course. So something was off. After the meet, pumpkin coffee and Otis!!!! Super. The lake was HIGH and looked like the ocean. The trees weren't that colorful, which was sad. I did laundry ALL night and watched Bridesmaids with mom. Laughed our butts off.
Sunday we went shopping. Finally got my Sperry boat shoes. Half price, man :) New pair of dark jeans, a scarf and some leggings. So just some basics really. I was trying to watch my spending because I have Christmas presents to buy and possibly a surprise plane trip to Pittsburgh to make. We shall see. I also found a dress for formal/lauren's wedding. It's an adrianna papell. They didn't have my size, but we finally found a store in Buffalo that had it and it's on its way. It was one of those numbers that didn't look like much on the hanger. One shoulder. I love that style. Ran 11 miles when we got home. I went to Holy Cross and then had to run back up the hill by Spartan's. Ugh. Stupid decision. That hill is death. It's probably only like 0.35 miles at MOST, but it's like straight up and curves. My butt hurts just thinking about it. No wait, my lungs are burning remembering it. Back to school and I hit traffic in Danbury. There was a white pick-up that was so charred from fire that it was mostly black. Spooky.
I HATE Mondays. It's official. Start off with an 8 a.m. and coffee dripping through my mug all over me. Then go to a presentation for my capping blog, which I'm proud of and WANT to show off. I flub the speech because I touched the keyboard and sent it to the next slide before I needed it. I was shaking. Not to mention, my nice black dress pants...bought them last year. Yeah, now they're too big. I didn't have a nice, professional dress belt so I had to make sure they stayed up while I spoke. Seriously. Nightmare. But, I have an interview lined up with HV Mag and I made it through my run and 5 o'clock class. Got two more capping posts written. So I managed to get work done. I just have a lot left for the weekend. It needs to slow down :/
I have one thing I'd like to accomplish before I leave though...I want to capture a Marist groundhog. I found out what they eat. Blueberries, apples, bananas. They're SO FLUFFY! I'm gonna die. hahahaha. Had to do it. Ok, I need to go to bed.
Sunday we went shopping. Finally got my Sperry boat shoes. Half price, man :) New pair of dark jeans, a scarf and some leggings. So just some basics really. I was trying to watch my spending because I have Christmas presents to buy and possibly a surprise plane trip to Pittsburgh to make. We shall see. I also found a dress for formal/lauren's wedding. It's an adrianna papell. They didn't have my size, but we finally found a store in Buffalo that had it and it's on its way. It was one of those numbers that didn't look like much on the hanger. One shoulder. I love that style. Ran 11 miles when we got home. I went to Holy Cross and then had to run back up the hill by Spartan's. Ugh. Stupid decision. That hill is death. It's probably only like 0.35 miles at MOST, but it's like straight up and curves. My butt hurts just thinking about it. No wait, my lungs are burning remembering it. Back to school and I hit traffic in Danbury. There was a white pick-up that was so charred from fire that it was mostly black. Spooky.
I HATE Mondays. It's official. Start off with an 8 a.m. and coffee dripping through my mug all over me. Then go to a presentation for my capping blog, which I'm proud of and WANT to show off. I flub the speech because I touched the keyboard and sent it to the next slide before I needed it. I was shaking. Not to mention, my nice black dress pants...bought them last year. Yeah, now they're too big. I didn't have a nice, professional dress belt so I had to make sure they stayed up while I spoke. Seriously. Nightmare. But, I have an interview lined up with HV Mag and I made it through my run and 5 o'clock class. Got two more capping posts written. So I managed to get work done. I just have a lot left for the weekend. It needs to slow down :/
I have one thing I'd like to accomplish before I leave though...I want to capture a Marist groundhog. I found out what they eat. Blueberries, apples, bananas. They're SO FLUFFY! I'm gonna die. hahahaha. Had to do it. Ok, I need to go to bed.
LOVE this sunset picture
"I love car rides!" Jaspieeee <3 haha
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